Sausage Festival

Like every young man on the planet, Elliot would dearly love to attend a sausage festival in Germany. But why? “Why,” Elliot elaborates, “does every Star Wars fan want to meet George Lucas? Germany is the sausage central of the world. Nobody throws a sausage fest like the Germans.”

When it was suggested that not everyone in Germany eats sausage, and that many choose to be vegetarian, Elliot simply shrugged;
“They’re not real people.”

Artist's impression
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Elliot is actually one-quarter German – a fact that even some of his most dedicated fans may not have known. “That quarter of me,” Elliot rambles, “only comes out in my dreams and always yearns for sausage. It pines for the land where the beer and sausages flow. But I always pay for my dream-sausages in Deutsch Marks. Perhaps I am living in the past.”

But why are the Germans so talented with sausages? “Well they’re shit at wars so they plow their talents into other disciplines. Plus sausage meat flows in their blood.”

Elliot prefers thick and meaty sausages.